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We tend to associate Salisbury steak with sad TV dinners and school lunches. But Salisbury steak is more than that; it’s a celebrated dinner staple across the globe. In Japanese cuisine, it’s better known as hambāgu and served with white rice. In Germany, it’s known as Hamburg steak. Wherever you are in the world, the essence of the dish remains the same: a formed ground meat patty topped with brown gravy. 

I had the pleasure of appearing on an episode of Good Mythical More to rank frozen Salisbury steaks. So, what did Rhett, Link, and I look for? Well, we wanted a nice, meaty consistency. Anything too processed and homogenous was off putting. Also, the meat should be seasoned well, ideally with salt and pepper. And as far as gravy goes, it got extra points for a strong umami element. Above all else, we wanted this dish to bring big savory flavor.

So how did these six rank? Peep the list:

Best of the Best

Stouffer’s does a great job with a lot of their products. As mentioned in our lasagna ranking, Josh is a huge fan of their vegetable lasagna, which is creamy and decadent. The Salisbury steak feels the same way, and was the meatiest of the steaks on this list. Link and I also agreed that this is really juicy. First and foremost, Salisbury steak should be savory, and this is savory.

Rhett gave it a 10, and Link gave it a 7. This was easily the best one we had, so I’m going to split the difference and call this an 8.5. Good job, Stouffer’s.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

8.5/10

Sporks

Best Nostalgia Steak

The Hungry-Man salisbury steak has a nice beef flavor in the gravy, which provides some needed umami, because the meat itself feels a bit too processed. There’s a nostalgic, microwaved taste here that you either love or hate. Link also liked the smoke flavor, which is subtle but nice. Link gave it a 6, and Rhett gave it a 5. I do think it’s better than a 5, so I’m going to break the tie and give it a solid 6. Not bad. Not great.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

6/10

Sporks

Best Seasoning

Boston Market’s Salisbury steak comes with a total of four thin patties, which I am dubbing a “Smashburger-style Salisbury steak.” This one might have the best seasoning of the bunch: the meat isn’t over or under salted; it achieves that perfect middle ground. The gravy is pretty savory, too, which makes the meal quite unctuous overall. The meat is really processed, however, which reminds me of Spam. I found out that neither Rhett nor Link likes Spam.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

6/10

Sporks

Best Healthy

Link correctly assessed here that this was missing a lot of salt, and that it would probably be better if it were not trying to be healthy. You can probably fix that on your own with a little salt and pepper, and the addition of some mushrooms and onions adds some additional flavor, too. This does read as a healthy product, and not one that’s intended to be the best tasting. Still, Link and I have a special place in our hearts for Lean Cuisine. There’s some mom-based nostalgia here for the both of us.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

5.5/10

Sporks

Best Unique Flavor

It felt good to chime in here with some tasting expertise. Both Rhett & Link commented that this tastes like Thanksgiving, which I think is due to the addition of celery powder. When you add celery powder to beef, grain, and gravy, you get that stuffing-like quality we associate with a fall feast. I checked the ingredients and there is indeed celery juice concentrate in here. The boys commented that it felt like the sauce was soaked into the meat a little more than the others, which is nice. This one is saturated with flavor. Still, that flavor is a bit too much, and the quality of meat isn’t as good as Stouffer’s. 

Rating:

4.5/10

Sporks

Best Prison Food

Unfortunately, we didn’t have anything great to say about this one. I laughed when Rhett said, “This is starting to feel like prison food,” because it’s true. Banquet has a state penitentiary-like quality to it due to its gloomy color and sad aesthetic. Everybody mentioned how the color is just alarming. It’s too light! This should be dark, delicious brown gravy. Nobody liked this one, and I laughed as both Rhett & Link got their shots in at Banquet.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Target

Rating:

3/10

Sporks

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